Fellow Travelers

Friday, February 27, 2009

I don't like being an adult

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

Today, I had to be an adult and deal with adult things. The Jetplanes know 2 couples that are around our age and are married. One is a military and the other isn't. The mil couple have been married for under 2 years (I believe) and the other has been married for 3 years (together for 11 yrs) Both are separated and leaning towards divorce, the mil couple will most definitely be getting a divorce.

Today, in Target I ran into the non-mil guy we're friends with, and heard "from the horse's mouth" about their issues and separation. Right near the shampoo and body wash endcap, I listened to him pour his heart out about their marriage and what his therapist has to say about it. My heart goes out to him. I'll admit I don't know his wife, they were never together. She didn't want to go out with him when we'd meet for drinks, dinner, winging parties, movies, or when we went to the circus one afternoon. The Jetplanes honestly didn't think she existed since we only met her once and that was my complete accident when we bumped into them at a restaurant one night. She was cold and unfriendly, the polar opposite of him.

He told me how they didn't really have anything in common. She is extremely involved in her faith and her church. He converted for her in high school, and was now attending church or church functions at least 5 days a week. While, he will still be attending the church, its too much for him, its not the path he wants. They were no longer intimate and she didn't seem to mind.

He said that they had talked about having kids, and he realized that he wanted to have a child so they would have something in common.

Wow! Standing in the health and beauty section of Target I realized, I'm now a married woman, and these issues are real. You can't just break up like you did in college. These are serious, life-altering decisions. I'm an adult now and divorce isn't just something that my parents dealt with, its something are friends are going to start dealing with. And that breaks my heart. I'm so thankful, that even though Mr. Jetplane and I are apart due to the USAF, we're very much in love and can't imagine life without the other. We support each other and need each other. We're each other's best friend but we're also each other's life partner. We're going on this journey together, and I can't imagine the pain I would feel to see that disappearing.

I hope both of these couples are able to find their own happiness with the most minimal heart ache and pain in the process.

How do you all deal with this? What are you suppose to say? And other mil wives, is unfaithfulness common around you as well? I know a few couples that haven't been faithful and issues have came up.


hmb said...

It does seem to be a big problem, doesn't it?! How sad!! Josh has only been in training for about 4 weeks and some of the guys he's with there have already had problems at home! 4 weeks!! What a mess....I pray for mil families like its my job. I hate to see that kind of behavior...

d.a.r. said...

Oh gosh that is just so sad!! One of the couples that were on the swim team with me in college got divorced this past fall, and it is just really weird. I still feel like we are too young (24-25) to be getting married let alone divorced!

I haven't seen any unfaithfulness in our coffee group during this deployment. But, I know it exists in our battalion, and I know it exists in our brigade. It is so sad. I know deployments are hard, but go shopping...drink a lot...take up some crazy new hobby. Don't sleep around.

Sara said...

One of our NCOs told us at mark's pinning that he and his wife were getting divorced because she had a boyfriend on the side. And he said they were doing stuff in front of the kids. It's just sad. I know of a lot of unfaithfulness around us. I couldn't picture hurting my husband that badly. Probably because he IS my best friend and I'd rather die than do anything to intentionally hurt him.

caknitter said...

I live in a military town and infidelity is widespread among many but, not all, mil couples. The minute the ship pulls out the mil wives go home and primp before heading out to the the Trophy Lounge; I've grown up hearing about all of these crazy stories. It's pretty sad because you know these women and men too, only got married to be able to come to this country or get a fatter paycheck.
The worst part is, it's forbidden in the Navy but yet it still happens in every single rank, high and low.
So, I wish your friends good luck and hope that everything works out for the best.
I'm glad to read that you and Mr. Jetplane have a solid relationship.
I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Kristen said...

It's strange that you wrote about this. I've been working on a blog that's about the exact same thing for a few days now.

(I made my blog private but would love if you wanted to keep reading it [or start since I read yours and]! Send me your email address so I can invite you! :)


Anonymous said...

First off my heart goes out to your friend. Being a army brat turned wife I have seen my fair share of the big D.
There is nothing to say. There is nothing to do. All you can do is just be there with a open ear.
Within my military community infidelity is a big problem. So many deployments with being far away from home tends to bring on that ultimate test to your marriage. Many don't make it, to be honest I think it's because most of these wives don't truly understand what it take to be a military spouse. We have several friends along the way end their marriage.

Stephanie said...

I have a good friend from college who got married in October 2006, separated in January 2007, divorced in March 2007, and pregnant with a baby with her exhusband [they were "trying to work things out"] in April 2007.

I felt so badly for her. The whole situation was awful, and while she was a part of the problem too the pain she felt was just unbearable even has her friend.

It was the first time I had really dealt with divorce first hand, and it gave me a huge wake up call to what it really does to people.

Sad for your friends. It is just awful...

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

You say what you feel in your heart! I believe all your readers will agree with me, that we know your heart, and I don't think it will steer you wrong. Sometimes, you just have to listen, everyone needs someone to really listen. Be so thankful for Mr. Jetplane!
How many more days? Do you still blog regularly when he is home, of course after the honeymoon phase?
AKA The Bumpkin

Unknown said...

Mr. Magnolia always told me that EOD stands for Every One's Divorced. Some people just can't handle it, but it seems to be the couples that should not have gotten married in the first place!
Deployments SUCK, but if your a strong couple, it will only make you stronger!

Allison Hasel said...

I haven't seen a lot of infidelity in the military yet, but I know it exists. I do know that divorce runs rampant {a lot I'm sure in part because of unfaithfulness}.

In this year alone, I've had two "friends" get divorced and/or separated this year. One of them was friend of a friend - a couple we knew from pilot training (not in Nick's class). She went home for a weekend and sent him an email tell him she wanted a divorce. Ridiculous.

The another non-mil friend is divorcing her husband of less than a year; they had previously dated for like two years.

I never thought I'd know people my age who divorce, but they do. It's so weird to me.

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