Spring has sprung and baby fever is in the air...

The Jetplanes have been discussing babies alot lately. But with Mr. knee deep in flight school and a potential deployment occurring in December (yeah that's right, I said December), right now its not in the cards.

Earlier this week Mr. asked me the following question that was sort of off putting, "Why do you want to have a baby?"

Why do I want to have a baby....hmm...

I want to start a family with this man that I love more than anything in this world.
I want to have a baby because I turn 30 in June and I have totally irrational fears that I won't be able to have a baby.
I want to bring something into this world that is a combination of the two of us and our love.

And DAMN IT I just want one... but I'm scared to death, I'll admit it. SCARED TO DEATH about having a child. Scared about how I would handle the load of a child with everything else in my life....especially with future deployments that lie ahead.

Sometimes my crazy mind drifts into the nightmares of seeing myself at home trying to work full time like I do now, with 2 kids, 2 dogs, housework, cooking, etc. all by myself when my husband is deployed...and that causes me some serious heart palpitations.

I know plenty of women do it, heck I may work part time or none at all, who knows, but the fear of that unknown shakes me to my core sometimes...

I know I'm not the only one out there. And I know there are plenty of women, mil wife and non-mil wife, that juggle and struggle through the day to day of having kids, work, home life, heck even a social life...I know I'm going to be looking to them as my role models.