Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Excuse Me....
7:24 AM | 
Posted by
Heather Warren
As most of you now, if you've read this blog for any period of time, the Jetplanes recently moved to NC at the end of the summer. So far, we've really enjoyed it but something has been really bugging me lately and it came to a head yesterday with 2 situations.
You see, I, Mrs. Jetplane, like to pride myself on being a very self sufficient woman. I graduated college, moved to another state away from all my family and friends for a job out of college, lived in an unfamiliar city for several years, met and fell in love with Mr. Jetplane, moved to FL then NC, and have a job that (luckily) will allow me to work from home and follow Mr. Jetplane as he goes through his military career. I am 29 (almost 30...ugh) but will fully admit that I look very young for my age. But I'm not...I'm very strong willed, opinionated, and articulate when I want to speak my mind.
So this leads me to issues that I've had since we started the process of moving to NC. First it started off with our real estate agent, a nice woman, that REFUSED to EVER call me or email me back. She ONLY communicated with Mr. Jetplane. I would send her a detailed email with bullet points of everything we needed answers on. No RESPONSE. I would call her - leave her a detailed voice mail - NO RESPONSE. Mr. Jetplane calls....BAM problem solved.
We're looking for cars, for ME, I'm trading in my Jeep, I'm paying for the loan, its MY money... People don't even look at me when discussing the cars. People don't even look at me when discussing my income, credit score, etc. HELLO!!! Sitting right here!!
Yesterday I had to talk with the finance department at the car dealership where we purchased a vehicle at the end of 2009. There are some issues, because we are excepting a check from either the dealership or credit union for the overage paid on the loan. I have called and left 2 messages at the car dealership, no response. Mr. calls and gets to speak to someone and tells her to call me back yesterday. She did, and I let her know that I had left her 2 previous messages. She kept referring to the loan and car as HIS... I assured her that the loan, the car, the trade in...it was MINE not HIS. He called because I couldn't get you to call me back.
Again last night, I have been calling our pet sitter to confirm that we are still on for this weekend. I have left 2 messages on her cell phone and tried to email but I keep getting bounced backs. Mr. Jetplane calls and she calls him RIGHT BACK!!
OMG I'm really flipping out here. I get the whole MAN OF THE HOUSE crap, sure I may even use it on solicitors or telemarketing people, but I don't really buy into it. I am a strong woman that makes her own money, and I really wish I could get some respect around here. I'm feeling a little like Rodney Dangerfield over here.
Does anyone else experience this??
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23 comments:
OMG...something similar happened to me right after I got married. When my husband and I married, I moved into his house. Well I hated his furniture, so I went out and bought all new furniture. Then some jerk at work made the comment "that's how it goes when you get married...it starts with the woman making her husband buy her furniture...then she wants to remodel the kitchen..." Um, no jerk...actually he didn't buy the furniture, I did. With my money.
Ugh...it's so aggrivating. I hope everything works out for you!
YES! I get the EXACT same thing! I also look young for my age, not at all the 28 I really am, which doesn't usually bother me but I hate when people do not take me seriously!
I'm from the Midwest and lived in the South for a while and I honestly think it's worse down there :(
I feel for ya!!
Yes! My husband is in the military and my annoyance started when I was asked for "the social security#" and they never meant mine. To this day, his # comes to my brain faster.
But after only a short time I learned that I have to say upfront in these exact words, "this transaction is my responsibility so you will be dealing with me directly." I have encountered this buying homes, cars, everything. It felt harsh at first, but let people know up front who they are dealing with and stick to it! Good luck!
I haven't had it happen recently, but I know exactly what you mean. It's freaking 2010. Women have been handling finances, buying houses, buying cars, and managing their money for years and years. It's especially rude when a woman won't call another woman back. I would totally give someone a piece of my mind over that.
I haven't had experiences quite like those yet. Is it a regional thing? Did it happen in FL? Have you tried confronting them on it "just out of curiosity" when they do call back? I would, but that's just me.
This happens to me all the time, but more so at my job than anywhere else. I'll be 27 in a few weeks, but most people still think I'm some teenager that doesn't know what she's talking about, despite the fact I've been at my job longer than many of my co-workers.
I've had a couple of similar things happen but for the most part people will deal with me. When I bought my car several months ago, i handled it all.... from talking over the phone, to arguing over prices and finally financing. My husband did go with me to pick it up but the dude knew who was doing this transaction and actually my husband stayed on the phone the whole time dealing with work issues. My money...my deal...you speak with me!
I would confront the dealership about it. If it's all in your name, technically they shouldn't be discussing it with your husband.
Hope it gets better though!!
I understand completely. It's very frustrating. Especially at my house, because I handle the money. We have a joint account and I take care of everything. My husband isn't very good with money so it has always been my thing. However the bank always put his name first on things so they ask to talk to him. When I tell them that they need to talk to me because he has no idea about it they get all uppity about him being the account holder. So I asked them to switch it and they wouldn't!
My in-laws don't help matters though. We bought a car from them and they kept making all these arrangements with my husband, who repeatedly forgot to tell me about them. If you want $1000 from our family, talk to both of us, not just my husband thankyouverymuch.
Oh my gosh, how frustrating!!
My dad is a car dealer. If any of his salesmen or finance people direct their spiel to the man of a couple, they know that trouble is coming. After all, he's been married to Mama for over 30 years, and knows who makes the decisions around the household. One old asshole still only speaks to men. Can't wait til he finally retires.
I haven't experienced this kind of ridiculousness yet, haven't bought a new car, but N did have a hell of a time when he bought his car while he was TDY. He just wanted to check out some things and then talk to me about it and said I'm not buying today. Just looking.
Some of the guys at the dealership were trying to bully him into buying a car that day, passing him around from guy to guy all pressuring him to do it then. They kept saying, "What can we do so you will buy today?" He said, "Get me a new wife because I won't have one if I buy this car today."
I get putting a little pressure on people, but when someone says pointblank, "I'm not buying today," let up! He went elsewhere to buy a car and got way better service.
Nick and I share financial duties, and I would be really upset if someone treated me the way some of you ladies have been treated! Terrible. It is 2010, not 1950.
I have never experienced this at the level you are dealing with. My goodness. How annoying!!
careful on the dog sitters, we have video survelliance at my house, we paid for 5 days twice a day service, top company big phone ad, great people. A teenage boy came once the day we were scheduled to be home. Thank god I had a back up feeder, or my poor boys would have been screwed.
I get that a lot, too. I'm a 20-Something, College Grad. I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself. The big thing is my Dad and guy friends feeling like they need to 'rescue' me whenever something goes wrong {i.e. mechanical/apartment issues}. I hate to break it to you, boys, but I CAN use power tools. Ugh! Cheers to you demanding some respect!
I hope you give em hell Mrs. J. I have been through it too, in every facet of life. Its sickening, I snap. Oh well if they don't like it.
Sigh. I'm from North Carolina and things like this are so incredibly annoying.
I do have some tricks though. There is a certain art to being a strong southern woman who people will respect and maybe even fear a little. I always try to be as sweet as sugar while laying down the law. For example:
(please read using southern accent)
"You know Mr. Mechanic, I really do love your shop and I think y'all usually do a great job. However, with this job you just aren't livin' up to my expectations. I would be so sad if I had to take my business else where. And oh my, those girls at the Junior League are always asking if I know a good mechanic. You know, actually, is your manager here today? I would just love to talk to him about this issue. Thanks. You have a great day!"
I'm not even in Junior League. This kind of behavior is so annoying but what can you do? You have to figure out a way to work with them- yuck!- when all I ever want to do is yell!
I experience this and it drives me crazy!
I have experienced this when trying to purchase a car. The dealer kept talking to him like I wasn't there. My husband looked the guy dead in the eye and told him that he was wasting his time trying to sell HIM a car, he said SHE is the one that will be driving it, I suggest you sell to HER. The car dealer got the picture quickly. And worked his ass off trying to make up for it. I did not purchase my car from him.
I know it is not possible in all situations, but take your business elsewhere, to the places that will treat you with the respect you deserve!
*pictures the scene in Pretty Woman where JR goes back to the clothing boutique that treated her like crap to rub her purchases in their face* :~)
That's SO frustrating! It's good to have a "real man" but how are YOU supposed to accomplish anything? You're not a limp noodle! GR!
Ah, I experience this more often than I would like. I'm currently working on my masters and working part-time, and it's insane how many people make snotty comments about how my husband is funding my expensive education! I just want to scream when they do this because I worked full-time for awhile to save money to pay for it so I didn't have to take out many loans! Also, the bulk of the bills are in my name with my hubby listed as second and they STILL ask for him! So frustrating!
UGGG that happened to us too WHEN I BOUGHT A CAR!!!
Ugg
This would drive me CRAZY. How infuriating.
I've been experiencing a little of that now that I'm "just" the wife of my doctor husband. People are much more interested in him and what he does and I am sort of wall paper these days. When anyone talks to me, it's to ask me questions about him. I know he's handsome and fascinating, but come on. It's frustrating.
Just keep being firm - hopefully you'll get through. Wish I could smack some of those idiots for ya!
Ugh! Things like this drive me crazy! It drives me insane that some people refuse to acknowledge women when it comes to finances or big decisions.