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Monday, June 29, 2009

Getting Deep on This Monday Morning...

Hello all and Happy Monday, if that's even possible. Busy Bee, I am yet again...

So this weekend we got the low down on yet another mil couple we know that are getting divorced.

The circumstances are crazy and too ridiculous to actually detail but it involves the following:

Cheating, Commanding Officers, divorces, and kids...

Its wayyyyy more colorful than that but still... it leads me to the following question particular for the mil couples out there...

We (and the military) expect more from officers in the military. Our husbands'/wives' bosses demand a certain level of integrity and ethics in each one of them. Therefore I expect the same in their spouses.

So to all out there... what does it mean to be wife (or husband) to someone in the military. And what does it mean to be an Officer's Wife (Husband)?

I get asked that question a lot, and to be completely honest... I don't really know. But I do know it doesn't mean cheating with someone else's husband and ruining their career in the process.

UPDATE: This isn't an enlisted vs. officer thing. I don't wear my husband rank or anything like that. Its more what does it mean to be the wife of a man in the military? The military is new to the Jetplanes and there are expectations and demands that one wouldn't consider.

I know several men that have been given notices that will not allow them to get promoted, lost top secret clearance, kicked out of the military, etc. for doing things that if happened in the civilian world wouldn't affect their jobs.

If these men/women act a certain way in the personal life they, in some people's eyes, aren't viable leaders in the military. At first it seems too harsh, but after some thought I generally agree with their decisions.

So again... this IS NOT an enlisted v. officer wife thing. I only know one point of view, but I know if I do certain things in my personal, professional, and/or financial life, it very well could have an affect on my husband's career.

18 comments:

Jessica Lynn said...

I'm not an officer's wife (yet!!!), but I'm so anxious to hear what other people have to say. It just breaks my heart when two people divorce.

Niki said...

I honestly don't see a difference between enlisted wives/husbands and officer wives/husbands. We are both married to someone who is willing to fight for our country. I think we all bleed the same color, so it is not like we are different. We all love our other halves and support them in this part of their lives.

Anyways I too am sad when I hear of people getting divorced, especially when kids are involved. I hope the couple will be adult enough to not bad mouth each other in front of the kids, that is one way to hurt the children.

Have a good mondy

A Military Wife said...

I'm an enlisted air force wife and i think it comes down to support for your hasband, devotion on all levels, and respect for each other. i'm pretty sure we all knew it was going to be hard going into it but we all try and manage.

Sara said...
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Sara said...
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Sara said...

You know what, I cannot answer that question without the fear of people trying to find the bad in the things I said. It's just not worth it. Mrs. J, you saw what I wrote and that's good enough for me. People just get too sensitive about this subject.

A Military Wife said...

to add to my comment earlier after you added your update...it is almost like we are supposed to be perfect on every level. and your right things us and our husbands do can get them in serious trouble. it's a lot of think before you act it seems. I'm new to this whole air force wife thing too so we learn every day...even if it has to be through others mistakes.

Sara said...

That was my point: I only know the one point of view. But I think people get very sensitive and read what they want to see. Does that make sense?

Young Mom/Wife said...

I am a military brat and now I am a military wife. As a wife we are basically a reflection of our spouse in the eyes of the military. My father instilled the fear of God in us not to screw up. I have known kids that have gotten their parents kicked off base for being dumb, and it spreads like wild fire within the community.

Now that I am a wife, I really have to watch what I say to certain people so that it doesn't get back to my husbands commander. And I have to agree with you that our men and women and their families are held to a higher standard for a reason. At times it does suck, but however you look at it our spouses career is the most important and we have to do our best to help them get to where they need to go within that career. It's ironic that you are writing this post today because the series Army Wives has been dealing with this issue since the beginning of the new season... And I'm sorry I just don't have sympathy for people who cheat, military or not.

I agree with Niki, I am so incredibly heart broken for the children in this situation. I hope the divorce goes as well as a divorce can go...

Marissa said...

That is so sad about the divorce

Perfectly Imperfect said...

Let me start off by saying that I am not an officer's wife. But I grew up with one. And an officer's husband. Making me the child of 2 officers. OS's (officers spouses= i'm lazy) are held to a higher standard as is the rest of their family. maybe it sucks, but it's life. my mom constantly watched how she acted in public as everything she did was a direct reflection on the Colonel. Same for my Dad as my Mom was also a Colonel (and people wonder why I raged out in college?!?). Same went for us kids. we had to be respectful, not speak unless spoken to, and always well behaved. we were instilled a level of respect that very few people my age have and i'm actually grateful to the military for that. no matter what you are doing at the moment, when you join a military family, you represent this country. it's a shame the U.S is being represented more by divorce and cheating than happy, supportive families. it wasn't like that when i was growing up. it's a shame really. and i don't think there's a huge difference between officers/enlisted. it's all military and the military is held to a higher standard. period. climbing down off my soapbox now. sorry for the rant.. just something i actually have a strong opinion on.

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

I am not married to an officer but cheating is wrong period.

the Preppy Princess said...

Yikes, what a topic Miss L&LOAJP! I'm a civilian and can only offer gratitude to those who serve our country. But this is an eye-opener of a topic, good for you for raising the issue.

May your week be wonderful!
tp

Running In Stilettos said...

As a wife of a USMC Officer, I don't know that cheating discriminates, but let me say this (sorry if it makes others mad). As an Officer, my husband is expected to not only represent this country and the USMC, he is expected to lead by command and by example. So when a CO cheats, it is no more disrespectful to his wife than an enlisted wife...it IS however, disrespectful to the men and women going through the same trials and tribulations but AREN'T cheating.

My husband has been called numerous times to deal with Marines under his command that are drinking and driving, cheating, etc... Yes, they are slapped on the wrist and reprimanded by the CO. However, when we have known Officers that have gotten DUIs, cheated, etc....they have been relieved of their command, or even kicked out of the USMC.

The emotions are no different between the ranks...the consequences however, ARE.

Running In Stilettos said...

Ok - sorry, I didn't mean to put this all on the guys. But that's where the consequences are suffered. As for us wives, I don't care which rank your husband is...cheating is not ever looked upon as OK. We all know how difficult this life is and if you are unhappy, leave the marriage but don't cheat.

I know though that respect is something my husband has worked hard to earn from those both below and above him in rank and my actions can ruin that respect in one second! So I always make sure that I am on my best behavior, both in public and behind closed doors...but that's not because I am married an Officer, but because I was raised properly.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Matt's an officer. That means alot to me when we're out and about. I always try to dress presentable, have good behavior and uphold myself to a better standard. I think if you're an officer you need to think before you speak, you need to be of good moral character.

I always feel so bad for the women/men who find out their officer spouse was cheating on them. I mean really how low we're their morals that they went outside the marriage!!!

Casey (@ Ever-Changing Life) said...

I think the higher standard is there for a reason (for military members in general). If there is craziness going on at home, they won't be able to focus on the task at hand. With a profession like this, the task at hand could be a life or death matter. You know what the expectations are when you marry into or join the military. If at any time you don't feel you can hold your marriage to the standard held before you, you need to back out first. No reason to hurt people, children, and even careers because you are too wimpy to ask for a divorce first. Ya know?

Then, I think you add an entirely new level when you are discussing someone in a leadership roll such as an officer.

(Of course this "you" is not actually yoooouuu, but ya know what I mean.)

Kate Craig said...

We're new to the military and my husband keeps reminding me that when he agreed to defend the constitution, he gave up his own constitutional rights.

He's in tech school right now, and it's crazy how some guys just lose it after basic training. They've had discipline knocked into them for 9 weeks and they just can't keep it up.

I am thankful for the higher standards, because my husband's life is going to be in the hands of those other men and women. And if they can't keep their own lives under control, I don't want them to be responsible for my husband's life.

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