According to our Sailing Instructor on Saturday.... Motor Boat People and Sailing People.

Some enjoy the journey, others just want to get there. Motor Boat People are great people, they just have a different philosophy.

Well... sorry old chap, but this lady is a most definitely, unequivocally a motor boat person. That we found out this weekend.

Scene: Marina on Base, @ 10am, Temp 96 degrees, Heat index went up to 110. Standing all day on concrete with 8 other students, sweating our asses off.


Big Bottle of Water - Check
Light Colored Clothes - Check
50 SPF sunscreen for face - Check
30+ SPF for rest of me - Check
Hat - Check

The Jetplanes stood all day and listened to what I call, complete and utter jibberish. Tact that, Jib that... Is the wind to your back, to your front, what side is the high side....



The information didn't even go from one ear and out the other, it pretty much just reflected off my sweaty head and flew away. I pulled Mr. Jetplane aside at all 3 of our lovely 10-15 minute breaks and explained that I didn't understand a damn word this guy was saying and I really didn't feel comfortable.

So after the day of instruction, we headed down the beach with all our rigging. Mr. Jetplane and I started rigging our boats. There are 2 ropes that are used in the rigging - 1 that runs the top portion of the sail and the 2nd is knotted onto the back of the boat, through the pulley system on the bottom of the sail and through a large pulley that is knotted off near where you sit. This rope is used to steer the sail.

So I'm ready to push off of shore, and the big Marine that went in front of me had capsized into the water. So YES, I was nervous. Right before I push off the instructor informs Mr. Jetplane that my sail can't extend the whole way because our knot is too close to the pulley. So he re did the knot and I pushed off.

And off I went, I felt the boat pick up speed and the sail swung to the other side. I let it go, as I was supposed to and I didn't capsize. I was so proud of myself. Then all of a sudden I looked down. The rope that ran from the back of the boat through the bottom of the sail was sitting in the bottom of the boat and not through the sail. I looked onto the beach and yelled "OMG! What the hell... how am I supposed to get back?"

I see Mr. Jetplane throw off his life jacket and prepare to jump in the water and retrieve me and my boat. The instructor stopped him and called over the rescue boat. (Oh NO it gets better..or worse)


While waiting for him I re-tie the back knot and prepare to run the rope through the pulleys again. The boat pulls up and he helps me and I ask him to double check my knots. Then he pushes me off again.

And I'm off and I start picking up speed. Literally, I felt like I was going 60 MPH, when in actuality it was more like 5 MPH. I preparing to take the 1st buoy and I make the turn. I almost clear it but I can't turn. Now I'm veering off course and heading to shore. Then I try to turn again toward the buoy and I start picking up speed. By now I'm far away from the rest of the students and heading toward the no-student-sailboat-zone. The reason its a no-student-sailboat-zone because the area is used to dock people's large sailboats. We're talking $100k plus sailboats.

And now I'm heading in that direction and I can't get my boat around. I look around and no one is watching me.... I start screaming... I mean screaming...


"HELP! HELP! I'm going to hit one of these boats!"

I seriously yell this for probably 2 minutes. No one comes. Then I totally break down and start crying. "Can someone please help me? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! HELP ME! SERIOUSLY HELP ME...."

And then a tag the sailboat parked in front of me and hit the poles on the dock. Then I think... "Okay. Well I'm stopped." And then I start crying even more.

After what felt like another 5 minutes the rescue boat comes to get me again. He says... "Are you ok?"

I respond very matter-of-fact... "No! No! I'm pretty f-ing far from okay! I am so not okay. I hate this and I'm very upset."

He says... "I can see that. Don't Worry. Its okay. You're okay. Do you want to keep going?"

I say " Hell no. Pull me and this f-ing boat to shore. I hate this and I don't want to do this anymore."

He asks... "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I completely sure. Get me on shore."

He pulls me to shore and reassures me the whole way its okay. At some point close to shore I realize that I'm acting like a total crazy bitch and I apologize to him. He says its okay.

We get to shore and the instructor asks if I'm okay and if I want to go again.

I re-confirm yet again that I'm not interested in sailing anymore. He asks me what went wrong and I explain to him that I started veering off course and all I do is see myself hitting one of those big expensive sail boats.

To that the instructor says" Oh, don't worry. We would never let you come near any of those boats...."

To that I say... "Oh really... I'm pretty sure I hit it."

"No, I'm sure you didn't hit it!" He turns to the rescue boat driver and he interjects.."Oh yeah. She did it!"

So I spent the rest of the hour that the rest of the class was sailing sitting with the instructor and learning all about his life.

He asked me if I wanted to sail with Mr. Jetplane in his boat. I told him that I don't really want to be that close to him right now. Which was probably a good thing, since he capsized twice. Yeah he deserved it.

Needless to say, I don't think I'll be going sailing again anytime soon... But I do have my A Mate Certification. Mr. will be getting his B Certification, but as for Mrs. Jetplane... HELL NO!!!