Fellow Travelers

Monday, January 19, 2009

Getting Knocked Up...

No not me, but it seems like everyone else. Friends from home, from college, from past jobs, when I say everyone I mean everyone is having babies. Honestly, every other day I'm hearing about being pregnant, having a baby, or trying to have a baby.

I am so unbelievably happy for them, don't get me wrong. But, it makes me really think, what the heck is wrong with me. I still feel too young to have kids, and I'm 28. I felt weird saying that when I was home Thanksgiving holding my cousin's baby, since she's 24.

I still feel awkward when people tell me they are trying to have kids. I still giggle to myself, b/c all the people I knew were always trying to "not" get pregnant.

First time I really thought that I was ready for kids was a couple of weeks before our wedding. I thought I was ready to get pregnant and have kids within the first 6 to 9 months after getting married. Well, that time is now, and needless to say not living with Mr. Jetplane makes it a little tough to get knocked up.

But that's ok, because we're not ready, well I'm not ready. I'm scared of it all. I'm scared of getting sick. I have a weird stomach and I get nauseous all the time. And I know when I'm pregnant, I'll have morning sickness, mid day sickness, middle of the night sickness, all of it. And I'm sorry, but I'm totally freaked about something growing inside my body. Maybe I'm totally immature about it, but its weird. I always think of the scene in Spaceballs when the little alien jumps out of the guy's body and proceeds to do a song and dance. (I told you I'm immature about this...) I'm also freaked out about feeding a baby with milk my body makes. Its weird and I'm not comfortable with it.

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I know a lot of women are actively trying to get pregnant, and I hope to someday be there with you all. But, as you can see, I'm not quite mentally prepared for this huge and miraculous gift of life. People continually reassure me that this will all change when I'm pregnant.

I hope I'm not the only one out there that feels this way. And if I am, well, all I can say is... I wasn't wrong to think I'm a complete weirdo.

20 comments:

d.a.r. said...

I am right there with you. I am totally enamored with the idea of having a baby. But when I think about it, it really freaks me out. I'm not sure I am comfortable with the idea of something, someONE!, growing inside of me, let alone the idea that I will be expelling a baby out of my vag.

And the pain of childbirth? Yeah, I am afraid I will pass out. I don't know if I can handle that!!!

Mojito Maven said...

oh you are definitely not alone..we actually don't want kids at all...people are constantly asking us about when we plan on having kids...when we say never they look at me like i'm an alien.

i'm totally freaked out by it too, but I am thrilled for all of my friends with babies.

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

I feel the same way. I don't want kids for a few more years and I am scared to death.

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

not at all offended... if we hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant we definitely wouldn't be "trying" right now and wouldn't be trying for a long time. we're just going to take this blessing that we've got and run with it. and pray that i know that in the world i'm doing! :)

Muffy said...

I agree! No babies yet please!!!!

Sara said...

I'll take that a step further: I hate the idea of being pregnant and am GROSSED OUT by the idea of something growing inside me. It seems like the most UN natural thing on the planet to me. I wouldn't want kids if I weren't married to a mant that wants them so much.

jlc said...

You're not a weirdo!! :)

Anddd yeah my sis is the same way. She's 29 and still wants to get her career all settled before she even starts thinkin' of being a mom.

I think it's so diff nowadays. 30's is the new 20's.

Chic Runner said...

I am right there with you, except about getting married. EVERYONE around me is getting married (granted I'm younger than you) but I'm like what's the rush!!! :) Glad I'm not alone!

Chic Runner said...

ps and kids?!?! WHOAAAAAA NELLY!!! Waaaaaaaay too far away!!!!

Mandy said...

Your normal! I was always fraked out too. When Dane & I got married we thought we would want to have kids...now look at us. I know people who never have children. Good luck!

h-bomb said...

I hear ya, I am only 26 and feel like i'm old for kids already. i think the military breeds early :)

*Kimmie* said...

I'm so there. In 8th grade I promised my mom only grand puppies and grand kitties. They laughed and said I'd grow out of it... when do I grow out of it? =)

Mary Michal said...

I completely agree. It all freaks me out. I really want kids...eventually. I'm just not there yet. And the whole feeding from your body thing...I'm sure it's a great experience, but it creeps me out!

Mrs. Not-so-Domesticated said...

I know what your saying... Pretty much everyone in my life is trying, is pregnant or has just had a baby and its a lot of pressure. We want kids, but not right now. We'd like to enjoy what time we have together right now, which is not much. I'm absolutely sure I'll be miserable pregnant and I'm not ready to think about how it will come out...so I need a little (or alot) more convincing.

Kelly said...

How was Dead before Dark? I saw that you had moved on to the second one.

Ashley said...

I think it is good to not rush things. Enjoy the time (that you are able to spend) with your husband. When you're ready the idea won't seem so weird to you.

Lindsay said...

I am totally with you on this. My sister just had a baby and hearing all of the horror stories makes me not EVER want to have a baby.

I mean breast feeding is freakin' scary as hell people!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrs. Hibit said...

Hi! I came over to your blog thanks to a very eloquent comment on an inauguration post. Thank you for putting into words what I've been struggling with verbalizing today!

I chose to comment on this particular post because I'm in the same boat. While I'm getting closer to being "ready," there is so much more I want to do before entering that season of life. It's nice to read your post and not feel so alone, as it seems like everyone around me has been bitten by the baby bug!

Running In Stilettos said...

I definitely understand where you are coming from on this one! I am 28 and still have no desire to have kids. I think about it but then I think, "wait, my husband and I still want to travel, be selfish, sleep in and go out to eat whenever we feel like it." The only time it really pulled on my heartstrings was when my husband was deployed and my friends all had these little kids to bond with..meanwhile I was having in-depth conversations with my beloved animals!

Candice said...

I just found your blog from Blue-Eyed Bride. Your blog is super cute!

I couldn't help but comment here b/c I could have written this same exact post. I'm 26 and my husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. I tell people we're on the five year plan (I don't always tell them that I mean 5 years from now!) All of my friends have babies or are pregnant, which makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. It's nice to read this post and know that I'm not crazy!

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